I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
