We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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