True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
