He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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