Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
