She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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