I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
