I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
