thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Drunk is not a location!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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