i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Randomize
