billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
