i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
