Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
