grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
