I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Do vagina's smell?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
