I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Still dying that you shit outside
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
