We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I could make wine with my vomit
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
