What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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