he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
