I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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