Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
