My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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