if i can run in heels then i can drive
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
