i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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