One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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