Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
