I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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