I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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