Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
