What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
