If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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