Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
