My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
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You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
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Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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