yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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