I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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