You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
