you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
