I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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