He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
