Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
