I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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