Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
