Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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