You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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