Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
