This girl is more easily done than said...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
