Buhtt sex?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
