FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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