yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
