it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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