I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
