I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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