Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
