so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
