so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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