you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
