Will you blow on my dice?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
